Apr 16, 2014


Well, I got this pretty darn bad habit of not doing the birthday dues on time, and I've been lately avoiding birthdays all in all. Yet, for one of my brothers, I’m willing to make an exception. On April 15th 1998, I was bending over my grandma’s balcony waving goodbye to my teary mom who was waiting in front of the open door of that car, while everybody else was already inside. For a moment, and regardless of my young age at the time, it hit me. My mom was utterly sad. She felt so bad for having that baby and now that it’s about to deliver, she never felt worse. My smile for a split second turned into a frown and somehow I managed to get it all. This pregnancy was totally unexpected.

Flash backward in time, there was that home in Azmi street with a mom and two boys who lived their life day by day, and felt supreme joy around each other and most importantly whenever they were visited by their aunts, mom’s side’s aunts. Ever since we, the boys, knew we’ll be having an addition to our team, I remember feeling happy to be honest, and I believe I can say the same about my younger brother, Najd. Yet mom wasn't as happy at all. Something was missing, and at the time I was way younger than being able to understand what was going on. Here’s a hint, there was no such thing as love among my parents. Mom was always fearful, frail, with a dimming character, managing a family by herself, and that third child coming our way was just another burden she desperately didn't need.

Ever since delivery time started getting close, I found us moving up to my grandma’s house, in order for my mom to be well taken care of by her mother and sisters, and also being closely monitored by a handful of childbirth experts :) I do still remember that dark blue “sabot” (a special pregnancy pair of shoes) my mom used to wear, saying it was making her feel better.  I also still remember the strolls we used to have somewhere around our house looking for clothes for the newcomer and watching my parents fighting over the silliest stuff, like my dad not wanting to buy most of the stuff my mom wanted, and they had their reasons. All of this had piled up eventually into a growing repulsion in mom’s heart in terms of wishing the baby hadn’t come. Yet, and 16 years later, boy oh boy how mistaken mom was.

My aunt brought us burgers then, we went together me and Najd with her to a close restaurant where we bought our snacks and devoured them in the hospital's waiting room. I managed at a certain point to step inside mom’s room and check on her. I came close and kissed her, not realizing she went under the knife and was still anesthetized then. Her smile faded rather quickly and was calling out to see the new baby, whose name turned out to be Naji. I ran out to see him throughout the windshield of newborn’s incubator room, and without any help from any nurse nor any indication on his basket, I instantly spotted my brother. My brother was an angel laying down there so peacefully among all the other horrible weaning newborns. I instantly knew we’re gonna have a gorgeous time together :) I will never forget how we were dazzled by his somewhat darker skin tone and I was quite baffled by the hole he had in his yet-to-be-developped skull, the reason why he - probably - became my protégé for years to come.

This is to my brother Naji, my big man, who was a young toddler at the time and was the light our house needed then. This is to my friend and mentor, for all the times he taught me lessons I couldn't find in older people. This is to the newborn I used to hold in my hands and changed his diapers all by myself and took care of for quite a long while. This is to the bliss that was sent from heaven up above to our little tiny house. I remember kissing his cheek every time he fell asleep in his cradle, and used to enjoy every single moment we spent together. I will never be able to forget the nights we spent alone watching Disney movies to help you sleep, and eventually I'd fall asleep way before you, while you sit there laughing at me. I’m sorry for the time I put citric acid instead of sugar in your baby bottle :p and I do am sorry for the time I held you out the balcony, which still prevents me from sleeping from time to time and haunts in my dreams.

Naji’s become a full grown man now, ready to see the world, to love and be loved, to appreciate and be appreciated, to be wise and sprinkle some of his wisdom onto all of us and his surroundings. It’s quite sad I’m physically far from him at the time, but I just want you to know Naji, that the best times I spend in Trablos are when we’re together.

My heart grows every time I see him growing and blooming into the man he has become, and I trust the universe enough to know that his future is going to be the brightest of us all. Sixteen years have passed and boy they were gorgeous, can't wait to see what's gonna happen next!

Ladies and gentlemen, my brother Naji.

1 comment:

  1. i hate that u make me cry with every single post!!
    and i hate the fact that im always waiting for post that talks about me as much as i know that it wont happen...for reasons ill explain later ;)
    amazing post
    hes extremly lucky this little man Naji!