Choking on a Tear

-
I'll always look after you, my old friend.
I just came from the Hairdresser's salon, one the few places I can see my face on a mirror. It was glorious, oh that face! I always wondered if a man with such a look exists. He's so wise, so magnificent in everything he says. He knows no fear, he has the look that makes your bones tremble and your head bow in respect. He is old with all the wrinkles-to-come shining up in majesty adding this angelic Ora around his skin. Eyes of an infant still looking for that lap to rest his head on... My god the look! I can't but wish I could print that image stuck inside my head. Still wondering when that A-ha sound pushes in? Yes, it came in a few milliseconds actually. "But. AHA!..Isn't that person actually myself?" I wondered. As fairy as it might sound, this conversation took place in a matter of a few seconds indeed. What was missing? All I could feel a moment later was the urge to CRY. But hey, you're a man, get yourself together! such a shame to cry, is it? I wanted to cry, just as my past life swooshed in front of my eyes. The huge amount of insecurity,
the lack of confidence, the big gap between body and soul, brain and mind, thought and tongue. All the lost opportunities and chances to make a difference, all the missed goals in my life, all the laughs I heard or imagined, all the noise in the background only speaking of how this person is soulless... Am I going to bury myself in work and make of myself the most dedicated engineer that has eventually no life at all? Am I going to throw myself in the pleasures of life not knowing that this is actually another form of burial? Am I going to seek help?... They already tried to help me, and especially her, she deserves nothing but the ultimate best, for her to shine, for her to shine upon humanity in the most influential forms of a shadow ever spawned on soil and humans. Have nothing more to say actually, nothing more.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Anonymous Confessions

-
Image
Let's play a game, shall we? Apparently there's been an exhibition, a public art project for the american artist  Candy Chang  who thought it would be interesting to open up a space where people can anonymously project their confessions, their deepest secrets, and enjoy the reaction of whoever reads it. Source: Original Article "By the end of the exhibition, over 1500 confessions were displayed on the walls. It’s about sex, love, or fears of dying alone. By collecting the confessions of the hotel’s visitors, this project seeks to create a cathartic sanctuary for this temporary community and help us see we are not alone in our quirks, experiences, and struggles as we try to lead fulfilling lives." Source: Original Article Source: Original Article This post is written for the benefit of the public. I invite you everyone to do the same, let's share our secrets. Hint : Post your confession in the comment field below while choosing the "
Read more

The Tourist That Shall Never Leave

-
Image
I never had thought I’d see the day when I mourn the library. I’m still literally traumatized, two hours later, convincing myself what I had heard about burning down the library was inaccurate, that some agencies are exaggerating and that it could be some ignorants were trying to cause damage to a shop nearby. It was all until I laid eyes upon that photo of the flames hurling out of the library’s door in that tiny alleyway, that I believed the news. The moment I heard of the news, and since I was at my place in Beirut, I packed my stuff instantly and tried to head back to Tripoli. To my bad luck, 40 minutes on the highway weren’t enough to get me a bus to my old city.. I felt so powerless I sat on the sidewalk and started shivering. A little while later, and just moments ago, the news was confirmed, the books are to ashes now, the old library is gone. I want you to understand it’s not about the books. Yes the books are worth a lot, a lot of money, a lot of effort, sweat, night shif
Read more

Forward Forum - The Booklet

-
Image
I've been looking around for a digital copy of the Forward Forum booklet, the recruitment forum that took place last weekend in BIEL, Beirut. I attended for the sake of getting a copy of that booklet, a role I played ever since I was in college, and of course to meet my peers and exhibiting companies. I usually get the booklet and share it among friends, and whoever needs it and for some reason couldn't be there. Here's an extract of the organizers' webpage : "After last year's tremendous success and on behalf of CAREERS & E Square –Events & Exhibitions , it gives us great pleasure to invite you to the thirteenth edition of the International Forum for Orientation & Recruitment, FORWARD 2013 and to the third edition of, BUSINESS 2013 which will be both held at BIEL- Lebanon from Thursday, 18th till Sunday, 21st April 2013 and from 4:00 pm till 10:00 pm ." The forum takes place every year, mostly in BIEL, at the beginning of spring sea
Read more

The Death of Laurent Schwebel

-
Image
An email found its way to my inbox, with a PowerPoint presentation attached, seemingly having photographs inside, in a way to remember the great photographer Schwebel who was stabbed lately in Buenos Aires, while taking snapshots of a local memorial. Such emails are easily thrown into the garbage bin usually, but the familiarity of the photographer's name was the reason I opened the presentation: And what a shock that was! Firstly, here's a translated extract of the Swiss Grandes Espaces  on the latest incident: Wednesday morning, February 8, 2012, Laurent Schwebel, 52, was stabbed to death by a thug who stole his camera in the center of Buenos Aires. The murderer, 24, was chased by witnesses of the drama, and apprehended by the police. Lawrence returned from Antarctic trip with Christian Genillard, and rejoiced to discover the Iguassu Falls before returning to his Alsace. More on the incident is found here . Laurent Schwebel You might be wondering why would I
Read more

Roadmap to a National Cycling Day

-
Image
Here's why tomorrow, April 25th, is a big day in the history of Lebanon. For decades we had been accustomed to riding cars, whether for leisure or for work; that same car had been going hand in hand with social status: you have no car, you then belong to the poor. Owning a high end car, on the other hand, meant you're doing well, and thus earn society's respect in some way. Fast forward to last year where two girls, with the help of friends, had started what we know today as the BikeToWork day, years after being infatuated with the charm of the four-wheelers, as in to try and encourage an entire nation to go back to the days the majority had no cars. How did they get around? How were delivery boys getting by? How did my grandfather and yours go to work at their younger years? It's that mesmerizing slinky beast we all call the bicycle. I mean, it's often cheap, doesn't really cost any maintenance really, doesn't break down easily, doesn't take up
Read more

Superficial Birthday Wishes

-
Image
Photo credit:  http://tuneoftheday.blogspot.com   I have no clue what effort have I put to deserve such superficial birthday wishes from people who supposedly share a place for me in their hearts. It was time for a change, a simple change that reflects both my utmost satiation with the ongoing blind reaction most of us get on their birthday, and at the same time providing people that mean to me a chance to arise from a constant numbness that cursed our social interaction. It was time for us to realize that "Wishing" is not enough, the first step begins in action. Surely I wasn't asking anything for ME, I begged people to go do something for themselves, consider my birthday as a sign from god that this day, just like any other day when it's surely someone else's birthday, is a day to embrace happiness, not smiling-all-the-time happiness, I'm talking here about inner peace. Do What You Love.. Here's what I posted  on my  Facebook Profile  just tonight:
Read more