Dusty Wyndow Blog

Well, I got this pretty darn bad habit of not doing the birthday dues on time, and I've been lately avoiding birthdays all in all. Yet, for one of my brothers, I’m willing to make an exception. On April 15th 1998, I was bending over my grandma’s balcony waving goodbye to my teary mom who was waiting in front of the open door of that car, while everybody else was already inside. For a moment, and regardless of my young age at the time, it hit me. My mom was utterly sad. She felt so bad for having that baby and now that it’s about to deliver, she never felt worse. My smile for a split second turned into a frown and somehow I managed to get it all. This pregnancy was totally unexpected. Flash backward in time, there was that home in Azmi street with a mom and two boys who lived their life day by day, and felt supreme joy around each other and most importantly whenever they were visited by their aunts, mom’s side’s aunts. Ever since we, the boys, knew we’ll be having an ad...

Never thought I'd admit this, but here we go, this is officially the most emotional bday I ever had. I was surprised in the most amazing ways, I was shocked in the loveliest manners, I was moved like never before. From my coworkers' little surprise(s) to Rayyan's messages, I felt like the world was paying me back. A collage of the pics I spent my morning taking :) I love them all, for everything they did. For the rush of Suha printing the poster that last minute after asking me about a photography quote I liked best. For the remembrance and possibly the overwhelming thoughts of what to do that Rayyan went through till she finally sent me those memorable messages and eventually making me weep. For the effort some put into reading my last year's post and more importantly putting more effort into doing any sort of action. I love them all for the initiative they took, for the steps they did, wandering from colleague to another gathering money and thinking of what sor...

I sold my kindle just tonight, a few hours ago, the kindle I kept dreaming of having ever since I heard of it, for a bicycle in exchange, topped with a 40$ in difference. I failed at keeping it of use and therefore I sold it. At the same time, today Farzat, a great guy got back his bicycle, the bicycle I was supposed to buy (a good racing bike) but decided to return it at the last minute. My old camera, the Nikon D80 is on sale now, for a bundle worth 900$ at the moment, having the body along with two lenses. In return I now have the newer D7000 (that I barely got the chance to use) which I got from a Lebanese business man last week in Gemmayzeh, on the night at which he was supposed to fly to the US. I have now two bicycles, just as before; I have a new camera, just as before, but with the only difference of being a 1000$ richer. Yes, a 1000$ in 2 months, effectively in 2 weeks. This is business, this is making money out of substantially attractive deals and once-in-a-lifet...

The article below was triggered by a recent conversation I had with a friend lately. Those few lines were enough to surface a large amount of hatred, anger and despair as well, that were all hidden for as far as my parents' divorce 10 years ago. Here's part of what he had to say upon me asking him what he would do in times he felt down: - I get very irritated and feel like breaking down or curl against a corner and just sleep on it (dysthymia). Its nothing new but i've been coping for years and recent events were a catalyst for more depressive episodes. - Do you ever tell anyone about this? Or at least do you have anyone by your side? - I only have a therapist to work with. Besides that, i have no familial or social support. They just don't understand. - what do you think would've prevented this phase? what do you wish of having around that you'll be sure would help you out? - A decent family. A decent society. A decent everything There is no do...

[Continuation of the previous post ] It was the turn of another man, a man that apparently lived his entire life out of Lebanon. He was extremely happy, filled with beauty and overflowing with satisfaction. He, and his female companion, were eager to park nearby and have a chat: The man seemed to be dying to tell his story to someone, basically anyone. “Ok so, I have two stories to tell you. Ready?” The first was of the reason he was imprisoned, he lived his life in Africa, where planting Marijuana in one’s backyard was common. Upon coming to live in Lebanon, he gave it no thought and thought it was considered the same, therefore he ended up imprisoned for planting (and by the Lebanese law, trading) two plants of Marijuana or “Hasheesh”, that he planted in the first place for personal use only. Eventually he got out of jail pretty soon. The second story on the other hand left me traumatized for a few seconds. A while back he found out he wasn’t the son of his father, his father is ...

Little did I know that my night would be so fruitful. Who would expect to meet a stranger on the street, seeing him pull over with that wonderful smile on his face only to tell you his story with that passionate dreamy look in the eyes of a 40-year old man. I never knew I would meet a person whose story was a perfect match to mine. How would I have known that we’d meet a bunch of dreamy and glamorous guys wanting to join efforts and having so much bright ideas to share with us. This, and much much more, had happened on the night of December 19th. Free Huggers chose that date for a second round of the “ Tell me your story ” initiative, the first is the one I missed. Everything was new to me, the way we should hold the signs, the way our answers should be wrapped and the limit we should abide by. Thankfully Sandy and Bilal were courteous enough to give me a heads-up of what they thought was best to do, as a result to the first experience . PS: I really had a hard time tak...

Here's what went through my mind during my morning nap in the minibus: Photo by Rayyan Jamous "I just realized that I have no passion, I don't remember the last time I risked my life for something; I am passive generally and don't have any sort of personal extremism. I cannot define things easily. I have trouble with maintaining relationships. I suck at time management and prioritizing. I am selfish though I have lots to give, which gives me constant headache. I realized I have a great amount of grudge, being the only answer to most of the emotional problems I faced, thus making it a trend to see my frown in the mirror. I came to know I am literally empty, and I know it. I wait no compassion from anyone because I've had enough with compliments: compliments to me are lies with make-up. What if I've been living a lie all these years? First at class for several years in a row? I never asked to be classified as the front row geek at school, regardless ...

This post is to talk about Lebanese humans, nothing more, nothing less. And for your information, Humanity STILL exists in my country, whether you've seen it or not, whether you agree or you don't. A few minutes after 2:30PM yesterday Friday OCT 19th 2012, a huge explosion shook the building I work at and of course, the whole area, to the point that I thought glass was going to break all over. It was easy to see from my window people in the street looking towards one direction, that is of the nearby Ashrafiyyeh. My colleague thought it was the nearby gas station that exploded, but going to the building's roof, it was more than clear. Sassine was on fire. I had so many friends over there, Reine worked in the Hotel Dieu Hospital, Maryam lives there, Navia and Riwa also live/work there, Chris also, and they were all one minute away from the explosion. Lines were down, both fixed and mobile, congestion prevented anyone from calling any person that was there. I mana...

Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget. (Read more about the 30-Day Challenge )  Photo Courtesy of  Backpack Foodie Well, to tell you the truth, it's not the fear of heights exactly. It's simply an unfortunate mishap that happened once in the past and occasionally keeps chasing me till this day, and when it does come back, forget all about good night sleeping, starting from one to three consecutive nights. It happened during the year 2000, not sure about the exact date, but the main point's that my youngest brother was a toddler at the time. My mother was absent and I could not really tell how it all began.. [Heart skips a beat once again each time I remember..] All I recall was the same exact scene you're seeing up above, but imagine my hands stretched out holding a 18 months old toddler out the balcony from the 5th floor. I'd give the most precious thing I have if only I could forget that single memory that's still haunting me ...

Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die (Read more about the  30-day Challenge ) Join the Circus, even for a single day. Photo courtesy of  Steve Taylor Such an irrelevant errand I have today, having already launched my  Bucket List  mentioned up above. There must be enough errands and wishes for a whole lifetime already, but as far as I know Natheer, the list will keep growing on and on. Which gets me to my next question: looking back at the summit of my existential crisis, I can't but admire the way we are born with no expectations, no hopes and no dreams at all. This very fact turns out to evolve and alter with time that we reach a level where all the hours we spend breathing are mere anticipations with a fluctuant intensity of aspiration, until we eventually realize the universal divine wisdom in creating such a powerful human being, that happens to be futile all at the same time. Stay Silent for a long time, starting with one da...

Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without. (Read more about the  30-day Challenge ) Enough Said...