Dusty Wyndow Blog

"أذكروا هادم اللذات" It would be stupid for me to hide the fact that I'm yearning to spend some time in a grave, my grave. I confided a close friend with this secret recently, only not to keep it within me and grow into becoming a burden. Her support was a relief, she understood and offered some help. I felt I was not alone. Am I that emotionally disturbed to ask for such a simple thing? Am I this paranoid to want to lay down in a grave? Am I the type of people that are so dysfunctional that they only succeed at burying themselves? No, no and a no. I'm a fully functioning, fully productive human being who constantly has the feeling of wanting to lay down for as long as possible, 6 feet down, with the company of someone close, waiting at the edge in case something happened. It might be the state of mind I always find myself at, the type of psychological state that constantly asks me to remember death. A teacher threw a poll at a class ...

Ever wondered what the bunch of great people that came to knowing and carved their names in history would've felt like during the course of their days? What was Einstein's bath like? Did he just plunge his body inside the hot-water-filled tub and leave his thoughts for time to dismantle while he soaks? Were he concerned if he ever forgot the towel? Or was he the type of people to overjoy about the bits and pieces in absurd reality trying to give it some essence while waiting for some achievement to kick in? Einstein How did Jesus's face feel like? Did he ever trim his beard? Ever cut his hair? How? What was seeing him from afar like? Did he ever cough? How did he smell like? Was he of a deep toned voice or slightly thinner? Would he rather skip around of joy or hide the feeling for the sake of his divine emblem? Didn't he ever pick a rose to smell? Did he ever have a deja-vu? How was it like? What would Muhammad have done if he ever stepped in poop? How would he ...

[Continuation of the previous post ] It was the turn of another man, a man that apparently lived his entire life out of Lebanon. He was extremely happy, filled with beauty and overflowing with satisfaction. He, and his female companion, were eager to park nearby and have a chat: The man seemed to be dying to tell his story to someone, basically anyone. “Ok so, I have two stories to tell you. Ready?” The first was of the reason he was imprisoned, he lived his life in Africa, where planting Marijuana in one’s backyard was common. Upon coming to live in Lebanon, he gave it no thought and thought it was considered the same, therefore he ended up imprisoned for planting (and by the Lebanese law, trading) two plants of Marijuana or “Hasheesh”, that he planted in the first place for personal use only. Eventually he got out of jail pretty soon. The second story on the other hand left me traumatized for a few seconds. A while back he found out he wasn’t the son of his father, his father is ...

Here's what went through my mind during my morning nap in the minibus: Photo by Rayyan Jamous "I just realized that I have no passion, I don't remember the last time I risked my life for something; I am passive generally and don't have any sort of personal extremism. I cannot define things easily. I have trouble with maintaining relationships. I suck at time management and prioritizing. I am selfish though I have lots to give, which gives me constant headache. I realized I have a great amount of grudge, being the only answer to most of the emotional problems I faced, thus making it a trend to see my frown in the mirror. I came to know I am literally empty, and I know it. I wait no compassion from anyone because I've had enough with compliments: compliments to me are lies with make-up. What if I've been living a lie all these years? First at class for several years in a row? I never asked to be classified as the front row geek at school, regardless ...

Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book. (Read more about the  30-Day Challenge ) I have no clue how far would the discussion take, or how long the back-and-forth arguments would last, trying to convince me that this is not a book to be considered among other books, such as novels or biographies, existential or philosophical literature. In fact this book is simply another perspective that goes way beyond the title, to the point that I can truly admit it (somewhat) never speaks about religion in the first place! The book is titled " The truth about Islam " and the author chose to caption the front page with the most amazing saying ever "A book that is 4000 years overdue" (4000, don't confuse it for 1400..) Why is this book my favorite? I saw myself inside, I say a complete projection of all what I wanted to say and all that I didn't know of. The fact that there's someone else who backs the things I kept my mind busy around in the last few year...

Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget. (Read more about the 30-Day Challenge )  Photo Courtesy of  Backpack Foodie Well, to tell you the truth, it's not the fear of heights exactly. It's simply an unfortunate mishap that happened once in the past and occasionally keeps chasing me till this day, and when it does come back, forget all about good night sleeping, starting from one to three consecutive nights. It happened during the year 2000, not sure about the exact date, but the main point's that my youngest brother was a toddler at the time. My mother was absent and I could not really tell how it all began.. [Heart skips a beat once again each time I remember..] All I recall was the same exact scene you're seeing up above, but imagine my hands stretched out holding a 18 months old toddler out the balcony from the 5th floor. I'd give the most precious thing I have if only I could forget that single memory that's still haunting me ...

Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel (Read more about the 30-Day Challenge ) Yes, my dream travel destination is Ljublijana, Slovenia, which should ring a bell for anyone who's already familiar with Paulo Coelho's "Veronika decides to die". There's this desire to relive the story, to stand in the middle of that town's center and look for the window where the whole story started at.

Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die (Read more about the  30-day Challenge ) Join the Circus, even for a single day. Photo courtesy of  Steve Taylor Such an irrelevant errand I have today, having already launched my  Bucket List  mentioned up above. There must be enough errands and wishes for a whole lifetime already, but as far as I know Natheer, the list will keep growing on and on. Which gets me to my next question: looking back at the summit of my existential crisis, I can't but admire the way we are born with no expectations, no hopes and no dreams at all. This very fact turns out to evolve and alter with time that we reach a level where all the hours we spend breathing are mere anticipations with a fluctuant intensity of aspiration, until we eventually realize the universal divine wisdom in creating such a powerful human being, that happens to be futile all at the same time. Stay Silent for a long time, starting with one da...

Day 11 - A picture of something you hate. (Read more about the  30-Day Challenge ) A photo says more than a 1000 words do

Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item. (Read more about the 30-Day Challenge ) I never believed in mage and wizardry, nor did I ever fall for voodoo and acts of sorcery. Wishes to me are a sign of weakness and tokens were only for decorative purposes, that was before I received my precious royal card... Ever since that moment, I became little prince Nathy, whenever I wanted to be, wherever I needed to be that prince. I was prince for one at least, for one who saw the real me, who touched me deep enough to, at least once, have felt that there's something enormous inside that skin. Ever since I held that card it never left my pocket. It's not the ink, never the paper, it's that tiny part of a soul securely contained in that piece of cardboard for ages to come... I would never feel underrated, underestimated, or simply out of luck as long as I remember I am holding a royal card, a gift from the most precious human being ever. And yes, makes me smile each and ev...

Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day. (Read more about the 30-Day Challenge ) Peter Pan, for one day only.. No comment this time, I'll leave the interpretation to yourselves.

Day 05 - A picture of one of your favorite memories. (Read more about the  30-Day Challenge ) Sorry about that watermark, it's a trial as you noticed. Won't happen again Now for the photo, I was saved by the bell since a "favorite memory" is simply impossible, whereas there are lots and LOTS of favorite memories, yes with an "S". I simply lack the words that would match all those memories... All salutes go to Jana, Marwan, Wissam and of course my brother Najd for making it the most awesome childhood ever. I can still remember every skin cut, every bruise, every tear and every laugh. Too bad we've grown old on such activities and photographs, but I believe it's never too late.

Day 04 - A picture of your favorite night (Read more about the  30-Day Challenge ) One of the most favorite nights would obviously (at least obviously to me) a night alone in the street with the camera in hand and the tripod tied to my back bag on a highway probably or a deserted street taking long exposure photographs. And they mean to me of course. But having thought of today's quest thoroughly, I came to a conclusion that the most favorite night was the one I spent on grass in the middle of the street. Can't find the right words to describe what level of awareness that scene helped me reach, but it utterly left an impact so strong that now I have a refuge on hand that doesn't need any camera. It was frustration that was eating me that night, frustration of my inefficiency to solve my problems, frustration of all the surrounding, and the frustration of certain personal confusion that were bumping over inside my mind. I found no other way but to ride my bic...

Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show. (Read more about the  30-Day Challenge ) The Legendary Mork and Mindy Many of you would instantly think of the vintage "Friends" or maybe the recent "House" series, and don't get me wrong I'm utterly attached to that era/kind of series. But, Mork and Mindy has a totally different taste. This was the first series/show I watched apart from the ones on Disney Channel. This show has shaped some aspects of my teenage years, and really helped me question more, and love the fact that life is way beyond the walls of a country, or a society. That omnipresent innocence is what caught my attention and kept me stuck to the actors and the whole storyline. I grew up watching so many other shows but this one was the most pleasant to me as of becoming an adult. "Mork and Mindy" so magically puts on the table the extraordinary relationship between man and woman having no common interests, no specific g...

Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been close with recently (Read more about the 30-Day Challenge ) As unexpected as it may sound, this day's challenge kept my brain thinking all day long to find something suitable enough for it to call achieved. Among all the people that I shared feelings, problems, advice with, among all the closest to my heart, among all the friends and family, I chose Georges, that tiny smiling creature who's oh so younger than me. Why? Simply because the challenge explicitly specified " recently ", which made things a lot easier for me. Actually it was yesterday at night that I met him, and we stayed for more than one and a half hours discussing my issues and a recent story he went through. Although I showed so much opposition and rejection to his advice, in fact his words were true and honest, it was me that was fragile and weak preventing myself from fixing my problems. Please welcome, Georges Rattel, the genius of t...

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts. (actually I pleasantly got 20 facts) (Read more about the 30-day Challenge ) And here are the 20 facts that I came up with: 1- I never weighed more than 65KG, and my average weight is a steady 60KG 2- I was once a programming addict, a total computer geek, and an introvert book nerd. 3- I believe most people (if not all of them) live a lie and don't truly know who they are, yes, even yourself 4- I believe not in the religions of today, for all of them are plain businesses and encourage bigotry. I only believe that religion is the kindness we brought to this world. 5- My first camera was a canon (yes a canon) Powershot A480, worth 200$ at the time, which I had had saved the money for probably several months earlier. 6- My dream car is a black  Mini Cooper S 7- I cry, a lot, sometimes 8- I often munch on my lips' tissues and love the taste of blood 9- I have a secret bucket list (things to do before I die), and ...

Just as I promised a close friend recently, and of course having promised myself in the first place, here goes my 30-day challenge, a road to self discovery whilst breaking ego and paving the way to getting covered with humility. Each and every single day I'll be posting a new photo in accordance to that day's challenge rule, Photo will be posted on Facebook  while the full description will be here on my Blog , where it should originally be. Now remember, I'm not exposing anything here for the sake of entertaining anyone. If you ever get bored please show all kind of respect to the person going through this challenge. First of all i'll be reciting the rules corresponding to each day according to that challenge: Day 01  - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts. Day 02  - A picture of you and the person you have been close with recently. Day 03  - A picture of the cast from your favorite show. Day 04  - A picture of your night. Day 05 - A picture of one ...

Photo credit:  http://tuneoftheday.blogspot.com   I have no clue what effort have I put to deserve such superficial birthday wishes from people who supposedly share a place for me in their hearts. It was time for a change, a simple change that reflects both my utmost satiation with the ongoing blind reaction most of us get on their birthday, and at the same time providing people that mean to me a chance to arise from a constant numbness that cursed our social interaction. It was time for us to realize that "Wishing" is not enough, the first step begins in action. Surely I wasn't asking anything for ME, I begged people to go do something for themselves, consider my birthday as a sign from god that this day, just like any other day when it's surely someone else's birthday, is a day to embrace happiness, not smiling-all-the-time happiness, I'm talking here about inner peace. Do What You Love.. Here's what I posted  on my  Facebook Profile  just tonight:...

Chanting Boy, credit goes to: deZein art " dezeinart.blogspot.com " A man took his 4yr old child to the mosque to introduce him to the religious ethics at a young age. The child began to get bored really quickly of the dull sit down, the loud tone of the sheikh and the repetitive echo coming from the walls. The father was not pleased at all from his son's behavior. Thinking he was such an open minded 20th century father, he took him to the church. The child soon began to look at the ceiling wondering what's the purpose of sitting there listening to preaching just like in the mosque. He asked his father " why do we have to sit here and say such hard words?" The father replied " this is praying for god, each of us has their own way ". The next morning, the father couldn't find his son. Looking in the backyard he followed his tiny voice and spotted him underneath a tree crossing legs and chanting the alphabet in a loud musical tone. The father...

Group photo, courtesy of Nath Halawani "Our Hugs from the heart.. Made last night a "night to remember".. You guys & gurls were AMAZING"... So much joy was gathered on that Hamra-scented corner, where several joyful human beings came holding the most powerful weapon of all, a relaxing smile it was. I must admit I came ill and tired, but the thrill of our last flashmob 2 weeks ago was enough to make the pain vanish on that same corner. Amazingly they all came at the time we already set earlier, and to a much more astonishment, numbers of newcomers began to rapidly rise. Last time they came alone, each by himself, which made them heroes as I once called them. But this time was completely different since the groups that came were, each by themselves, the main essence of such a flashmob. Tribute to her lover .."It was really awesome. Thanks for brightening up our lives!".. Hug me and touch my hair for free Rules were explained a...